Get ready to scrape together 79 of your finest pennies for this absolute gem of a game. It costs £2 to buy a 4-pack to play with your friends which is where the true fun lies, and for the price of a couple of twixes how could you go wrong? The animations are terrible, the UI is shoddy at best and the weapons are so horribly imbalanced that the game stops being a challenge if you have half a brain. Against all odds, it’s just some of the most fun I’ve had in a game.The first time you get in a mech and just slaughter raptors, you feel like an absolute god. Jetpacking and sniping a T-Rex in the face while your buddy stealth knifes them in the butthole feels far too right and that entire situation sums this game up perfectly.
Equal parts worryingly creepy and adorably cute, this is a game you’ll want to play when you’re in a less sober state of mind. It’s beyond stupid, but the premise is that one of you plays a baby on a suicidal rampage while the other player controls the father desperately trying to control the situation. It looks like shit, it’s ridiculously buggy and the character models by default will haunt your dreams. Get a few beers in you, get a good mate and smash out a couple of sessions and you’ll find yourself in absolute hysterics. An amazing way to get absolutely wrecked is to drink every time something buggy or weird happens, and down your drink every time you laugh properly. Probably one of the stupidest games I’ve ever played.
There are enough of these dating sims/visual novels to keep even the most devout weeb distracted for centuries, but this one is particular special. It’s about pigeons. You play as the only human accepted to a school of pigeons. I’ve always believed that once you reach a certain level of stupidity/insanity, it all eventually becomes hilarious. Then as you play through it, somehow the game makes you begin to really feel for these pigeons, and there’s nothing funnier than getting trolled into have emotions. I wish I could somehow describe this game in words but it just defies anything that mortal language has the ability to conceptualise, so just go and get stuck in. You won’t regret it. Well, you might. But probably not.
It starts off with cutesy charm and retro graphics that lure you into a false sense of superior condescension. The cute cartoon pop-outs make you jump a few times but eventually you start to confidently barrel through the first few hundred rooms. You’ll still shit yourself a few times from the jump scares (and how cleverly they are spaced out), but that’s in the name and hardly surprising. It’s when you get to a room with Zelda style torches and the puppet man that your butthole will violently eject itself from your body as you run backwards and screaming through the levels. I actually had to stop playing this game well before the end because my paranoia and panic levels were causing me physical difficulty, aka, I’m a massive coward.
While Turok 1 and 2 may be the actual best games of the series, Evolution wins a place in my heart for how shockingly terrible it was. The checkpoints are criminally far apart for how aggressive some of the difficulty spikes are, the sound effects are terrible and the level design (with a few exceptions) left a lot to be desired. There was just something about the cartoonish violence of the game that spoke to my psychopathic child’s mind. Charging up the axe/club to devastate an enemy, shooting off dino heads with poison arrows so they’d puke out their neck and homing ball bearings that would rip off the limbs and explode the head were just a few unnecessarily graphic weapons that made this game the campiest but still brutal and fun video game I’ve ever loved. The intro just sums up the game perfectly:
So there you have it, my list of the best games so bad they’re good. Do you guys agree? Let us know in the comments below what your best bad games list would look like.